Finding a Family

So you're looking for a host family in Paris. There are three main ways to find one: The internet, word of mouth, and agencies. Bear in mind how you do eventually find your host family, as this can reveal a lot about their attitude towards their au pairs. For anyone who's interested, I found my first family through Au Pair World, and my second through Great Au Pair, but have found extra babysitting and tutoring work through Craigslist, the American Church of Paris, and word of mouth.

The Internet

If you're European, the most popular site to match au pairs with families is Au Pair World. This should be your go-to to begin looking, as you can create a quick and easy profile, enter the criteria you're looking for in a family, and quickly start talking to lots of families. It's very convenient, and free for au pairs to use. Bonzer. However, this does have its drawbacks: it's pretty cheap for host families to use (thereby attracting more stingy families) and so the jobs advertised on here are usually (but not always) on the lower end of the pay scale, around 80 Euros per week (minimum wage), or lower if your family are idiots. Don't take a job which is paid less than 80 a week EVER. Warning sign number 1. If you do, you set a precedent for your host family to consistently undervalue you, which is a rubbish position to be in, especially if you're living with them. The reason I mention being European is because the majority of families on this site are looking for EU nationals, because this means a lot less paperwork and hassle for them (or no paperwork at all, if they expect their au pair to live and work without being declared to the government. Warning sign number 2). Also, the shorter the amount of time a host family activates their account for, the less they have to pay. If the host family you're talking to want to switch to communicating via email or whatever, this is fine: it's a faff to communicate through Au Pair World's messaging system. But if they want to switch to email because they're deactivating their account, or they pressure you to commit to working for them very quickly so they can close their account quicker, thus saving money, this is warning sign number 3. Stingy bastards alert. 

Another good site is Great Au Pair. You create a more extensive profile with this one and the website is less convenient to use. Membership is more expensive, and paid membership is also offered to au pairs. This is good and bad: being an expensive and detailed service means the website attracts higher-paying families, and families who have a more rigorous selection process for au pairs. This is a good thing as you'll be in safer hands with a family who have experience with au pairs and are clear about what they expect from you. Hearing "we like our au pairs to be flexible!" and "we're new to this au pairing business so we'll have to figure it out as we go!" = warning sign number 4. That being said, if you choose not to pay for a membership to the site, you'll be able to view the high-paying jobs,but not contact the families beyond 'adding them as a favourite', which can be very frustrating as you have to wait/hope that they will contact you first. I was very lucky that this happened to me, but don't expect it to happen. Families on Great Au Pair tend to be more receptive to people from outside the EU than on Au Pair World, but there are a lot fewer jobs advertised on Great Au Pair as it isn't as popular.

The third possible way of finding a family online is through Facebook. Groups such as Au Pair in Paris, Au Pair Paris 2014-15, and Au Pair Paris Exchange and Meetup will often have advertisements for jobs from current au pairs leaving their families. This is good as you can speak to the au pair personally and ask her about her experience, but beware! Some girls may be leaving because their host family is not a good one, and they need to find their own replacements, leading you into something of a trap. This method is good for last minute job offers though: if you have little notice to find a host family try this route. If she's vague on the details about why she's leaving = warning sign number 5. There are also a lot of spammers posting fake adverts, so look out for poorly written/illogical English, phrases like "God-Fearing", excessive capitalisation, or anything which really sounds too good to be true. Also bear in mind what it might mean for the family's au pair to be finding her replacement, rather than the family directly: either they have a great relationship and trust their au pair with this important task, or they're too lazy to find their own au pair. Try and figure out which one it is and you'll get a sense of what the family are like.

Adverts for au pairing jobs are also sometimes placed on Craigslist. I have found babysitting work through this website, but there's not much I can say about it, as you just respond to an advert and begin emailing the employer, it's not a website specifically dedicated to au pairing. I don't know any au pairs who found their jobs on Craigslist. 

Agencies

There are benefits and drawbacks to working with an agency. They will perform background checks on host families so it's the safest option, will help you with your paperwork (this can be a lifesaver if you're coming from outside the EU and have difficulty handling it all), and will often help you with settling in, maybe meeting you at the airport or throwing icebreakers for their clients. Many of my friends who have used agencies have found it to be a great experience, and I've heard good things especially about Au Pair Paris, as it's a smaller agency and can give you lots of personal attention. Also, if you work with an agency you are guaranteed to make minimum wage, and to be living and working legally in the country. That being said, I would personally not use an agency (although I am from the UK so can't really empathise with US paperwork!). Agencies match you with host families, effectively taking your autonomy away. Maybe it's just my own vanity at being a "free agent", but I wouldn't feel comfortable with not choosing the family I was going to live with/work for for a year myself. Also, agencies can be very expensive. Finally, they are being paid not only by you, but by the host families as well, meaning that in the case of conflict their allegiance does not solely lie with you. Some au pairs I know have come under a lot of pressure from their agencies if they want to change families or stop au pairing altogether, because it's viewed as a failure on the au pair's part to integrate, rather than having an unfair family, and it also makes the agency look bad. If'm sure this can be true in some, but not all, cases, and I know if I were stuck in a situation I wanted to leave, it would be bad enough to be given grief by my host family, without getting it from an agency as well.

Word of Mouth

If there's one thing I've learned as an au pair, it's that you have to network, network, network. Hypothetical scenario: you need to find a job at short notice because your host family refuse to pay you. You remember that you met a girl at a party a few weeks ago, who said that a parent from her childrens' school was thinking of hiring an au pair. If you just went back to your friends, and didn't make an effort to get chatting to her, you have no way of finding out if the job's still available, or getting a recommendation, and you are well and truly on your own. But if you established a rapport with this girl and got her details, fabulous! She can recommend you, give you contact details, and the job's a good'un. This is the power that networking can have! It's so important to build up a community once you arrive for anything that you may need. Obviously, this applies far more to au pairs already in Paris, who are looking for new jobs, but you can see my point. Other au pairs, parents at the school gates, people you meet on nights out, even people you get chatting to on the metro - you never know when you'll need that contact. 

Another option for girls already in Paris is the American Church in Paris. The church is a hub for the English-speaking community in Paris, so if you're an EMT (English mother tongue) au pair, or speak fluent English, you'll find vacancies looking for someone with your skills. They have a noticeboard in their central courtyard where adverts are placed each morning at 10AM. Get there on time and start making those calls, you can be on to a winner. This is great for last minute jobs or part time work. There are also adverts for housing, tutoring, events, and other various things, if this is what you're looking for.

Is Au Pairing For You?

So the first question is: do you actually want to be an au pair? The reality is, the majority of us didn't. Spending 25-30 hours a week running around after children isn't exactly the glamorous Parisian life you had envisaged. That being said, everyone who has been an au pair has found it to be a rewarding experience in at least some ways.

The absolute first step is to refer to this amazing post by Left Bank Manc. I read it before I arrived, over half of my friends read it before they arrived, it's the most useful post you could read on the subject. Ignore its advice at your own peril. In terms of pre-arrival reading material, stick to genuine au pair testimonials. Amazon might try to make you think you need a 200 page book on becoming an au pair, but the authors have sales targets and editors to keep happy, while current and former au pairs are chatting/blogging away for the collective good (and are a lot more truthful anyway!).

There are the obvious benefits: a cheap and easy way to live in Paris (and pretty much the only way open to an 18 year old girl with no second language, degree or work experience), learning a new language, and having a host family around as a safety net (provided they're not psychos) when you're living alone and abroad for the first time.

But the truth is, there are many more benefits to this unglamorous position. Aside from the day-to-day factors, au pairing is a genuinely character-building experience. I know it sounds vom-inducing but hear me out. For me, the biggest change has been my increase in confidence. When you're at home, living with your parents and worrying about your exam grades, it's easy to put yourself down. But when you're in a strange country on your own, trying to learn a new language and working hard, you can see your own achievements and feel proud of yourself for going it alone. Bonus points if you're working a rubbish job. This was my reality, and I found that being able to see (and resent) the way I was being undervalued and underappreciated forced me to realise what my own contribution and worth were. Boom. Instant confidence.

Negotiation is another key skill that you learn. When you're working for someone, you can't just throw a strop when things aren't going your way (or even if your boss is a complete idiot). You have to be diplomatic in your approach to problem solving, or you'll find yourself out on the street. With the newfound confidence mentioned above, you'll want to get the best deal you possibly can for yourself, and how do you do it? Negotiation. 

The third benefit is your increase in patience. Surprisingly, spending 30 hours a week looking after foreign children, communicating in a different language, dealing with frustrating situations from your host family or with paperwork, and being away from home, is not easy! The number of times you have to just hold your nerve, count to ten, and tell yourself it will all be okay, is staggering. And you will find yourself a better, more mature person for dealing with all of it. In the future I won't resort to ugly crying or storming off when I'm stressed - I'll just take a deep breath, eat a macaron and remember a time when it was so much worse. I'm kidding, but you will become less stressy.

So are you cut out for being an au pair?  The answer is, probably, yes. The only people I would warn off au pairing are self-centred people who want to stay that way. You can't be a selfish au pair. Most of your time is devoted to looking after other people, and if you just want to focus on yourself, find a different job.

You might not have much experience with kids, cooking, or cleaning, but the fact is, au pairing is not going to be 'The Sound of Music', and your host family won't be expecting Julie Andrews. You learn on the job, plain and simple, and within two weeks you'll know almost everything you need to. And even if you don't like children, and the children you watch are little nightmares, you will be surprised at how much you end up liking, or at least tolerating, them. And just how restorative a collective bitching session with other au pairs over a bottle of one-euro wine can be. Basically, you will cope, and the possibilities of being in Paris for a year are endless.