1) French people write "ahah" instead of "haha" in texts. This makes me feel profoundly uncomfortable.
2) Wear any weight gain with pride, as a testament to all the great wine and cheese you eat.
3) Parties never really get going before 3AM.
4) "Le goûter", or the after-school snack, is practically a religion here. Expect tears if this is forgotten.
5) Always assume that everything in Paris is covered in urine. Hand sanitiser is a must.
6) Public toilets do exist here but are NOT worth the risk. Instead, walk into the nearest café with an air of impatience and pretend to be a paying customer. Confidence is key! This week I convinced a waiter that he was going mad as he'd " taken my order five minutes ago".
7) "talons" (high heels) and Parisian streets do not a happy couple make. Embrace your real height and stop pretending to be glamorous.
8) The word for lawyer and avocado is the same.
9) Always avoid the stretch of land from the Eiffel Tower to Palais de Chaillot. If you must cross the Seine use Pont de Bir-Hakeim.
10) Nothing prepares you for the immense patriotism and pride you feel when French people talk about how great M+S Food is.
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